I recently read some articles, thanks to a dear friend of mine (Kelly Lightworker), and it’s ignited something within in me: an acknowledgement and awakening of my gifts. And so my spiritual journey is taking on a major shift, and to be honest it’s pretty terrifying.
It’s scary to know that what I’ve been ignoring all my life is my actual calling. Keep in mind, I’ve only started Zodianz last year. I am a late bloomer, but starting my spiritual journey just feels right. It was something I could no longer resist. And I honestly don’t want to fight it anymore, so here I am writing about my own psychic abilities.
However, I never liked to look at myself in that way.
I never liked to label myself as a psychic. I like to call myself a vessel, which makes it easier to accept. There are things about me that others will find very strange. Shit, I even find it strange lol. It wasn’t long ago I felt all of this was truly evil, only to recognize that the only things evil were my own fears and self-doubts. I truly feared myself and my own abilities.
I never liked to label myself as a psychic.
Have you ever see a demon? I have. And it’s scary af. I thought I’d shit myself lol. I almost did. That face, it haunts me. That demon followed me for years, dragging me into the most depressing stages of my life. Reaching into my soul and corrupting my spirit.
Still, there are so many things I’m just starting to piece together and fully explain. To know that spirits can sit with you, talk to you, touch you, even without you actually seeing them is really terrifying. It’s in people, around people. The shit’s real lol. And I can’t sit here and tell myself that it doesn’t happen.
The voices. I hear it in people. The energy. I feel it in people.
I honestly just thought it was just a special talent. And to better explain it, I utilized astrology as a way to bring your energies to light. It’s the easiest form that most people can understand.
So I’m writing this because I want peace with myself. I don’t think a lot of people understand what it’s like to lay with demons but talk to angels. To fear something so much because you’re so worried that you’re mentally insane lol. These spiritual gifts are a heavy burden to carry. I know there are people out there that won’t believe me, but I can finally say that it’s okay for you not to believe me.
So I’m writing this because I want peace with myself.
I remember one time when I was younger, I told my friend I could see things. She thought I was nuts. Her reaction, though polite, made me believe I was crazy so I started to slowly tell myself that. Over time I learned to just ignore most of it, but it wouldn’t stop coming for me.
Another time, my friend’s father had passed away. They moved into a new house, but do you know what’s it like going there and knowing he isn’t really gone? Waking up to a static television when you know you turned off! Needless to say, I couldn’t keep going there. It terrified me, as if he were standing over me. The lights had to be on. The energy there, the sadness. I couldn’t.
Which makes sense as to why I would always stay away from anything paranormal, and it’s because I knew it my heart and in my soul that it’s real. However, I’m realizing I feared it so much because I’m susceptible to them talking to me, following me, and reaching out to me. This anxiety, it suffocates me in certain places. And I do believe I’m starting to know why.
Your energy speaks volumes, whether you want to believe it or not. It attracts good and bad. To be honest, I’m tired of attracting just bad energy. I want to empower myself by taking that energy, controlling it, and turning it into light. That’s my mission from now on.
So you’ll see less product designs because I truly want to focus on my journey: helping you.